Good Grief

The seasons of life and what we walk through…

Last week I was invited to be part of a Kindness Luncheon. A friend is embarking on an inspired mission to spread kindness, how beautiful is that? It was one of those events that helped you pause and appreciate humanity’s ability to be a force for good. I can’t think of a more generous way to invite Spring in than growing intentional acts of kindness.

During the luncheon, hearing everyone’s thoughts on what kindness means to them and ways we can be kinder in the world touched my heart and made me very emotional. I’m in a tender space right now as this is a season of loss for me. I share this with you as a way to acknowledge and recognize that none of us escape grief and loss in life. Mine right now happens to be for people I love no longer being in the physical world, but grief and loss are very natural emotions experienced from many of life's occurrences, not just from someone dying.

We live in a society that wants us to shelve our hurts, push through, and 'get over it already'. The truth is that being in or witnessing someone else’s pain, while not easy, offers the opportunity to step into kindness and compassion for ourselves and others. There is, however, a delicate balance between walking through things rather than staying stuck in them. It's not necessary to apologize for our emotions, but we also must be mindful that we don't allow them to keep us underwater permanently.

Weathering grief and loss isn’t something that can be rushed or stuffed down unless you want it to snap back on you again at a later, even less convenient time. Unprocessed and unhealed emotions tend to express themselves in destructive and inappropriate ways, causing more damage than is necessary. Like vulnerable spring hatchlings, isn't it kinder and more productive to treat ourselves and others with compassion, patience, and understanding on the journey toward brighter days? To quote a wise friend, "Loss is hard ... and honoring our loved one's legacy is an opportunity for them to live on in us."

Honoring the things and people we’ve lost comes from awareness and acknowledgment -- riding the waves and stages of shock & denial, pain & guilt, anger & bargaining, sadness & depression -- to get to the side of forgiveness, reconstruction & working through, and finally, thankfully, acceptance. With the very unexpected and sudden death of a dear friend recently, I’m still steeped in the beginning stages of this process, and that’s okay. It’s uncomfortable and unpleasant, but also necessary and completely normal. Grief is universal and also very personal; often messy and not linear. It does not follow timelines or schedules, certainly not those dictated by others.

Kintsugi is the Japanese practice of repairing broken pottery with threads of silver, gold, or platinum. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. As humans, we too break and put ourselves back together - the new version of ourselves made whole again bound with self-care, compassion, and gratitude for the full spectrum that life has to offer.

Whatever season of life you are in, may you be open and curious, patient and kind to yourself. Pain or pleasure, gains or losses, the complexities and depth of life are meant to be explored and experienced to their fullest. I hope to do so with grace, courage, and persistent resilience. I wish the same for you.

With loving kindness,

Julie