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Free to be!

Coach Julie Hartman
July 4th, Independence Day, may have come and gone but my thoughts continue to churn on the concepts of freedom and independence. To feel free, what do we need to let go of?
What are we holding on to that makes us feel victimized, constricted, trapped, and stuck  rather than free?


 
I’m here to remind you that you are a one-of-a-kind original! There’s nobody else with your exact qualities and traits. I wish that was enough to make all of us unshakeably free of moments of self-doubt, uncertainty, limiting beliefs, etc. But as humans, our brains and emotional systems are much more complex than that. If you've ever woken up feeling optimistic and energetic in the morning and stuck in a rut by lunchtime, you can relate to the roller coaster ride some days bring! If happiness and inner freedom are attainable (they are, and our thoughts create our reality), how do we bridge the gap between here and there??  (it’s certainly not a one-and-done proposition)
 
Romanticizing happiness and freedom is very common. It's as though they are some faraway paradise, difficult to reach and clouded in a mist like the land of Oz (watch out for those flying monkeys, they're a real downer!).

Many a client has expressed a deep desire to feel "free", and I've certainly grappled inside myself over the sensation and destination called ‘freedom’. Since I'm naturally curious, one question always opens the door to many more. On the topic of freeing ourselves from pain and suffering, I wonder:  

What is the meaning of freedom? 
What does freedom look like? 
What does freedom feel like? 
Do any of us know how to define freedom for ourselves?

Untangling complicated thoughts and emotions can feel overwhelming and difficult -- sort of like untangling a tight knot. Where do we even start?


 


To help illustrate a helpful method for untangling thoughts and emotions, here's an easy fill-in-the-blank exercise. Complete this sentence:
 
When I _______________________________, I am/feel free.
 
Here are some of the examples that spoke to me personally as I was doing this exercise:
 
When I let go of judgment, I am free
When I let go of blame and resentment, I am free
When I let go of guilt, I am free
When I don’t allow worry to consume me, I am free
When I trust myself I feel free
When I believe in myself I feel free
When I love myself I feel free
When I have faith that all is well no matter what I feel free
When I am kind I feel free
When I express unconditional love, I am free
When I connect to nature, people, and a higher power, I am free
 
Simple, focused exercises like this help to bring us back to a place of ultimate power and control over ourselves and our well-being. This is the gift of doing the inner work - intentionally being accountable for thoughts and feelings by taking ownership of them to help extinguish feeling controlled and driven by external factors.
 
*** Notice the interplay between 'I am' and 'I feel' - go with whichever one resonates for you


 

I've come to realize that when I'm being the opposite of any of the statements shared above - for example, resenting Scott for something he either did or didn't do and then using that as a reason to blame him for me being grumpy, might feel gratifying at the moment, but not the long term. The longer I stay in a resentful, blaming space, the worse I feel. Giving external factors control over how we think and feel shuts down our sense of agency, the ripple effect becomes seeing mainly problems with little to no solutions in sight. Owning our thoughts, emotions, and reactions puts us back in the driver's seat of our own experiences, creating space for alternate perspectives, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, etc.
 
How about you? I would love to know what makes you feel empowered and free to be your authentic self.
 
"You may not control all the events that happen to you,
but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou 


Stay Sassy,
Julie
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